Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
