theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
