Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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