hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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