I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
