you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
