you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
