I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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