If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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