sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
