He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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