no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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