I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish I only lived at night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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