True but thats because hes a fetus.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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