i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize