I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
