I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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