he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
