Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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