So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
