please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
