it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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