Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
