Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
