Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
