and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
