I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
