Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
