you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
