Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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