Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just cropdusted the office
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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