After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
