we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
