I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
