Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
