Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
