we have pet lesbian snakes
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
