Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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