So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
