Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
