you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
