Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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