If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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