Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
