Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
