this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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