Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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