Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
