READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she woke up with a sticky ear
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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