They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
