i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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