i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
