: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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