I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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