woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize