I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
