lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize