My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
