I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
