Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
