We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
