That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
