I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just gift wrapped bread.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
