You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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