If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
